We had a great doctor's appointment Friday despite the fact that Benson needed to be at work and I was stubborn and refused to let anyone else drive but me. Lately, I'm figuring out that my poor body isn't able function like normal and long trips make for an extremely uncomfortable experience - a lesson that I unfortunately had to learn about the hard way! Luke weighed in at approximately 6 pounds (praise the Lord!) and Dr. Tabb couldn't find any fluid on his lungs (PRAISE THE LORD!). Thank you all so much for your prayers! Before we left, Dr. Tabb told us that we will induce labor at 39 weeks if he hasn't already decided to make an appearance before then. Most likely, they will start the induction on a Sunday night and deliver on Monday. So, unless Luke has other plans, we will be looking at a birthday on June 28th!
My bags are finally packed and my body is definately ready for Luke to get here - but emotionally, I wish he could just stay put inside me forever. As long as I can feel him kick and roll around in my belly, I know that he is okay. His heart is functioning fine and he doesn't have to endure surgeries, tubes and IVs. I wish that I could just stop time and protect him forever. I would gladly endure all this pain and misery for the rest of my life if it meant he would be okay...but the beauty of it all is that "everything rides on hope now." There is something so terrifying yet so glorious about giving EVERYTHING - your whole life - over to the Lord. To release the idea that you are in control, to accept your situation and cling onto the faith that God will work things out for your good. As his mom, I am terrified as to what we will have to go through in the next month but as a Christian, I am excited to be part of what God is doing through Luke. I cannot wait to hold a miracle in my arms and to witness the glory of the Lord through his healing.
Someone told me today that they were inspired by the way I am handling everything and I replied, "really, its no different than it was before." Of course I know the reality of our situation, I know what could happen, I know that there are few things that are more serious in "medical" terms. However, I look at our struggle the same way I look at life. Our life is just as uncertain as it was before we knew about Luke's heart - the only difference is that we are more aware of the uncertainty. Today, I realized that facing HLHS is so much like accepting Christ for the first time. There is an undescribable fear that comes with giving your life to someone you can't physically touch or see. In fact, being a true follower of Christ is one of the most difficult life paths imaginable - it will take you places you don't want to go and cause you to face battles you don't think you can overcome. The Lord never promises us that life will be easy but He does promise that through every situation, He will never leave us. I know that It will be hard and our hearts will surely break a thousand times but when it is all said and done - it will all be worth it. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I do know who holds tomorrow and that makes all the difference.