UPDATE: Doctor's appointment yesterday went well. Dr. Tabb was out of the office so we met with Dr. Fines instead. She was great but wasn't as familiar with our case as Dr. Tabb. She said the baby is doing great.. he scored an 8 out of 8 on his biophysical profile. However, he is a little on the smaller side on all of his growth percentiles. He weighs 4lbs and 15oz. She agreed after looking at his heart that it seemed to be a Hypoplastic Left Heart and once again, was immediately able to see that the left ventricle was present. Everything looked good and they will see me back next week.
This week marked a big change in the life of Benson and I as we resigned from our position as youth ministers at St. Andrew UMC. It was a really bittersweet night as we sat in the youth room for the last night with our "kids." The last four years I have spent with them have been the most rewarding of my life. I can remember the first time I brought Benson to youth after we had started dating...I remember calling and texting them telling them we were engaged. I remember all the nights where they were "convinced" that I was pregnant with a baby they lovingly named "Barry"...and I remember the day, not so long ago when I told them I was in fact pregnant. They have been one of the biggest parts of my life and always will be. However, as much as I love them I know it is time - time to end the chapter of my life as "youth minister" and become a "mother" to a precious baby boy. After loving those kids with my entire heart for so long, I can only imagine how much I will love him...I just hope he doesn't cause me as many sleepless nights, screaming fits and uncontrollable tears as they have - but for some reason, I feel that he will.
my life for the past four years...
My final lesson with them talked about something I have been dealing with lately --- how to deal with life when it doesn't give you what you want. We all have been there or will be there at some point. Something happens to us that is not fair - our parents divorce, our boyfriend cheats on us, we lose our job, we start to suffer from depression, a family member finds out they have cancer...our baby is diagnosed with a potentially fatal heart defect. Life just simply sucks sometimes and hands us a card that we wish we were never dealt. When faced with any hard situation, we all have a choice. A choice to either be a victim of our pain or to rise above it and be victorious.
We can choose to let our situation become an excuse for our negative behavior, to complain, to drink our problems away, to lay down and cry until we can't breathe, to dig ourselves a hole, crawl into it and never come out. We can allow bitterness to consume our hearts and curse God OR we can choose to let God use us in our pain, to rise above our circumstance, to cling onto hope and find joy in the midst of our anger.
The reality of our situation, no matter how bad it may seem, is this - Christ died on a cross so that we can have hope, so that we can have a life beyond this earth. He fought the battle against sin and death so that the VICTORY is already ours. In hard times, we can choose to be victorious...and by doing so, by giving our circumstances over to Christ --- we can be assured that no matter the outcome, the Lord will somehow be glorified through it all. We don't understand His Will, we were never meant to. There is nothing wrong with asking, "God, why me?" but we have to trust that God sees the bigger picture and though the sorrow may last through the night, JOY will come in the morning. In my life, no matter what happens to us or to Luke, I choose to let Christ be glorified, I choose to be victorious...and in that, I find peace.
We can choose to let our situation become an excuse for our negative behavior, to complain, to drink our problems away, to lay down and cry until we can't breathe, to dig ourselves a hole, crawl into it and never come out. We can allow bitterness to consume our hearts and curse God OR we can choose to let God use us in our pain, to rise above our circumstance, to cling onto hope and find joy in the midst of our anger.
The reality of our situation, no matter how bad it may seem, is this - Christ died on a cross so that we can have hope, so that we can have a life beyond this earth. He fought the battle against sin and death so that the VICTORY is already ours. In hard times, we can choose to be victorious...and by doing so, by giving our circumstances over to Christ --- we can be assured that no matter the outcome, the Lord will somehow be glorified through it all. We don't understand His Will, we were never meant to. There is nothing wrong with asking, "God, why me?" but we have to trust that God sees the bigger picture and though the sorrow may last through the night, JOY will come in the morning. In my life, no matter what happens to us or to Luke, I choose to let Christ be glorified, I choose to be victorious...and in that, I find peace.
I heard this song on the way home today and it spoke volumes to my heart...it is exactly where I am at this very moment.
MercyMe - Bring the Rain
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Is the Lord God Almighty
-- Kristin
Wow, Kristin and Benson, as I was engulfed in each word, with tears streaming, caught up in every word I was amazed at the complete surrender and confidence, of your situation, you have placed in God's Holy and rightous hands. Praise God for the testimony He has given you both.
ReplyDeleteThese kids have been so blessed by you. As have I in reading your words. Thank you. You inspire me to help other kids more and to praise God louder. May God Bless you.
ReplyDelete