Thursday, December 2, 2010

Broken but blessed (part two)

If you know me, to say that I am a huge Angie Smith fan is a total understatement.

I know that just about every person who blogs has read Bring the Rain and knows Audrey Caroline's story. If you have ever lost a baby, you have probably read her book, "I Will Carry You." It is unfortunate that I even have to know who she is or relate to her the way that I do. However, so many of her words and explanation of Scripture have rocked my world these past 5 months. Seriously, the woman is crazy anointed. I swear I want to be just like her.. well, more a combination of her and Priscillar Shirer.. but that's another post for another day!

So anyway, this is a "borrowed" post from Angie that can be read in its entirety here. I felt that it was very appropriate to share how her words blessed my heart as a follow up to my previous post. It is a illustration that I think of so often...something so beautiful, so life-changing for me.

In her blog, Bring the Rain - this post is titled "The Past and the Pitcher". It discusses, in part, the days following Audrey's death and how Angie decided she would follow some advice she had read in a book about grieving the loss of a child. In the book, a therapist encourages those grieving to take something and break it. At first, Angie thought the idea was ridiculous but then the Lord began to speak to her heart that breaking something was exactly what she should do. So, she went to her cabinets, pulled out a perfectly good pitcher, walked outside onto her front porch, threw it on the ground and watched it shatter into pieces.

via Angie Smith

She waited a few minutes as she stood there in silence, staring at the broken pieces,
until God finally spoke to her heart...

Put it back together.

So, Angie took all the small pieces of porcelain inside and one by one, she glued them back together with a hot glue gun. Her fingers were burnt and bloody from handling the small, sharp pieces. She continued working until finally, the pitcher had been put back together once again.

via Angie Smith

Angie then writes these words that still bring tears to my eyes this day,

"And as I worked, He let me think about my past. Mistakes that I have long regretted. I began to realize that this pitcher was my life, and every piece was part of a story that He had chosen to put together. I started crying, and remembering things I thought I had forgotten. It took a long time to finish, but it was time well spent. Every nook and cranny whispered to me, until at last it stood in all its imperfection.

Here you are, Angie.

You are mended. You are filled with my Spirit, and I am asking you to pour yourself out.

The image of my life as a broken pitcher was beautiful to me, but at the same time, it was hard to look at all of the cracks.

I ran my fingers along them and told Him I wish it had been different. How I wished I had always loved Him, always obeyed Him, always sought Him the way I should. I was mad at the imperfections, years wasted, gaping holes where it should be smooth.

But God, my ever-gracious God, was gentle and yet convicting as He explained.

My dearest Angie. How do you think the world has seen me? If it wasn't for the cracks, I couldn't seep out the way I do. I chose the pitcher. I chose you, just as you are."

How beautiful is it to be broken? So many times, we must be broken before we can be shared...just as the body of Christ had to be broken before it could be given. God wants to use us not in spite of our brokenness, but because of it.
I realized the problem is that we ourselves have developed a mindset that what is broken is useless. We are quick to throw away things in our lives that have stopped working, have cracks or missing pieces. We find no use for them so they find a place in the trash instead of our lives.
Aren't you glad that Christ doesn't think of us that way?
Instead...the more we are broken, the more valuable we become to Him.
You see, God isn't the issue here - we are. We are the ones who look at that broken pitcher, the broken heart, the broken life...and we see all that is wrong, messed up, useless. We focus more on the broken pieces than we do the blessing inside. Yet, in between those cracks is something that has been restored, made whole again. Something that when filled up, can spill over and be given freely. Something beautiful. After all, God loves the gaps just as much, if not more than He loves the whole pieces. So, why don't we?
I have come across so many people who look at me with sad eyes. They tilt their heads to the side and shake their head, pat my hand and say..."Oh honey, I'm so sorry." I know they mean well. I know that they don't know what to say. I know their heart breaks for my loss. They look at me and see broken...yet, once they sit and talk with me awhile...once they see what God has done for me over these past five months...I hope that they don't see broken...I pray they see blessed. That is what I see when I look into the mirror today - but only because I choose to see my life that way, thanks to the grace and strength of my God.
Where are you today? Do you look at your life and just stare at the broken pieces? Do you hide your scars, your pain, your hurt - or do you allow God to use those cracked areas of your life to pour into you so that you can overflow into the lives of others?

After all, it is through those cracks-- the pains and mistakes that we are most ashamed of-- that the world can see a glimpse of the glory of God.

"The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of me.” - 1 Corin. 11:23-24
Thank you Jesus for being broken...for me.
Today, I rejoice in being broken...for You.


  1. Beautiful Kristin. I love Angie too, she is so real and full of the spirit! From one "cracked" woman to another, thanks for reminding me of this today.
    Now I want to go break something...again :)

  2. I have been following your blog since right after Luke was born. Im a friend of a friend, but we do not know eachother. I am a mother of 2 boys and you and your family have helped me and my family draw closer to God and learn to be thankful for so much that we used to take for granted. I admire you as a woman, a mother and a wife so much. I think you are amazing. I pray for your family everyday and I am praying for your new addition. Thank you for all that you do, you have no idea the blessing you have been to me.

  3. This is such an inspirations and amazing post! Thank you!

  4. Hi Kristin - I found your blog through Bowen's blog. I have a baby niece Paislyn who also has a heart that is in the process of being fixed. :) Last summer I found Angie Smith's blog after a friend of mine lost her baby who was 3.5 days old (not heart baby - something else). I read every word on Angie's blog and also read her book. Loved reading both. I have never lost a child, and can't imagine the pain of losing one, but through Angie's blog I more fully understood what my friend (and moms like you) has been going through. And now through Matt's blog, I have a better understanding of suffering. You have a gift for writing. Glad to read your last 2 days' posts.

  5. Beautiful post Kristin. I sense a smile in your words glad to hear such heart warming and very true thoughts and comments. Love,

  6. Kristin, you do not know me. I am an outsider looking in. :) I heard of your blog through my friend Mel, who is a cousin or friend of someone you know... you know how that works. Anyway, I read this post and it just melted my heart. last week was the first time i saw and read your blog, and seeing your son was so very beautiful for me. How blessed, how truly blessed you are! It is so important raise your heart to Christ in these moments. Thank you for this post. I had never heard of Angie Smith, but will most definitely read her story. Thank you.
    Luci Klare

  7. These words were just what I need tonight as I read your blog. Thanks & blessings,

  8. Kristin,
    I spoke with you briefly today. I spoke shortly about loosing my baby on Christmas day. I just wanted to say Thank you again. My heart was more than broken today. I needed to hear what you had to say. I needed it more than I could ever express. Thank you for sharing your story! I am passing it along to several people that I know who have been there too!

  9. You don't know me. I saw a link to your blog on my facebook in May of this year. I started to read and I prayed for your son. I prayed for you and your husband. I didn't get to read for awhile and I when I came back in August I wept. I will now pray for the new life that is developing in you.

    The words that you have spoken on here are honest, compassionate, heart wrenching, encouraging and uplifting. Faith is something I cling too. Brokenness is a place I find often. Remembering that God loves our broken pieces is overwhelming.

    Thank you for trusting in our Father. Thank you for sharing your journey. I encourage you to continue praying and doing what you are doing; God's light shines through you!

  10. Hey Kristin,
    I just came across your blog as I was clicking here and there (so I have no idea where I found you from). I just wanted to tell you that your heart and your words are is precious Luke. Congrats on your new pregnancy; and what an amazing due date! God IS good.

    Congratulations, and I'll be praying for that little miracle growing inside you and for peace for your heart as you continue to travel this journey.

  11. Kristin, I have awarded you the Stylish Blogger Award! I gave you this award because even in the roughest of times, you have reached out and did what God called you to do! That is to spread the gospel and you do it so beautifully! I think I have cried on everyone of your posts, not just because they were sad, but because they spoke to my heart! You are in my prayers!


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